Blog
People I work with often describe themselves in our first session as “broken”. They have encountered challenges or held onto negative beliefs for so long that they feel they are now so damaged that they no longer have worth or value. I know the feeling, there have been times in my life where I too have felt broken, especially through different types of grief.
Of course, we all know that life will be full of challenges; that we will make mistakes and that we are meant to learn from all our experiences, but does it make it any easier when it happens? What I find does make it easier is knowing that, in order to appreciate the good things in life, I have to experience the bad stuff. The ups are great but the downs…well, they help me to appreciate the ups (but gosh it’s hard when I’m in the downs). Then I think, who really wants to go through a life with no ups and downs?
If I think how that would look if I drew a line representing the ups and downs of life it reminds me of an echocardiogram – full of life. If I think of a life with no ups and downs, I think of a flat line. Whilst at first it seems appealing, it reminds me of when our lifeforce leaves us and who wants that in any hurry?!? But what if we have everything we need to “fix” our “brokenness” and it is all inside of us? And what if our “repairs” were something to be celebrated for making us stronger and more resilient.
Since the 15th Century the Japanese have been practicing the art of Kintsugi, the repairing of broken pottery using lacquer mixed with powdered gold, silver or platinum. Kintsugi is part of the Wabi-Sabi philosophy, of finding of beauty in imperfection, as well as Mushin, the acceptance of change.
The Japanese see the accidental breaking of pottery as an inevitable part of the fragility of life and that the highlighting of these repairs, not only shows the history of the piece but makes the piece stronger, more beautiful, unique and maybe even more valuable.
In a world of false perfection, where even the pictures of the most beautiful models are airbrushed after a photoshoot, and only seemingly “perfect” posts are placed on social media, it can be hard to accept our own flaws and see the beauty of ourselves and our lives. We find it easier to find compassion and empathy for others when we see them struggling and we even admire their strength as they battle and succeed in vanquishing their demons, but we tend to be far less kind to ourselves when we are the ones struggling and we judge ourselves so harshly for our failures and imperfections.
It reminds me of a story of the weavers of the Navajo. The Navajo believe that nothing is perfect expect for the Gods. The Gods have given them the gift of weaving and in order to honour the Gods, they deliberately incorporate imperfections into every piece they weave. Some pieces only have one flaw, others have a few but in every piece you’ll find at least one just to ensure the Gods will not be insulted and no bad luck will befall the weaver.
Maybe we should accept that no-one and nothing is without imperfection, and that life is, as Ronan Keating once sang, “a rollercoaster, you just gotta ride it”; and maybe we could be just a little kinder to ourselves, accepting what is and enjoying being in the NOW.
Sending love
Nicky x
